| Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of | | | | graduate from the University of "I-TO-WE" with a |
| enduring a bout of food poisoning? I have and seen | | | | Ph.D. in Emotional Intelligence., you will follow all of the |
| many friends and family members go through that | | | | rules and also the pledge you solemnly swore upon |
| torment from time to time. And, let me tell you, it is | | | | completion of the Receiver course; "This is not about |
| not fun to watch or be the one enduring the pain. | | | | me! I am here for my partner and this is about my |
| When we have food poisoning, we have the "urge to | | | | partner's pain! This is not about me!" |
| purge." The toxic waste of whatever we ate infects | | | | Of course it goes without saying that the Sender |
| the stomach and must be expelled. Our body is telling | | | | also follows the rules of the CDT. As the Sender |
| us, "I don't think so. I want no part of this. I can't | | | | begins to purge the toxic waste of pain, you as the |
| believe you ate the whole thing. You must now pay | | | | Receiver, are emotionally present by looking them in |
| for the errors of your ways." The human defense | | | | the eyes. You are mentally available to listen without |
| mechanism is relentless to force out the unwelcome | | | | any other thoughts in your mind. You are grounded in |
| guest and rid itself of any remnants of its existence. | | | | your role to provide the safety the Sender needs. |
| In our relationships, we sometimes have this same | | | | Unfortunately what I witness many times is that |
| affliction, but with a little twist. Take a moment and | | | | some people, I say this with no disrespect, are |
| remember a time when you felt so flooded and | | | | emotionally unintelligent Receivers. If this is the case, |
| overwhelmed with negative emotions that you had | | | | one of two things happens. Either they engage the |
| the "urge to purge" your thoughts and feelings. | | | | energy, react and poison themselves or they do not |
| Maybe it was at work when you were resentful of a | | | | allow the Sender to purge. In the latter case, they |
| co-worker or angry with a customer. Perhaps you | | | | usually will say; "Thank you anyway, but not now |
| were mad with yourself. Finally, we come to the | | | | dear" or "You should not think or feel that way." |
| category of our committed relationship, which this | | | | How about this all time favorite, "Just deal with it and |
| phenomenon, unfortunately, seems to occur more | | | | get over it." When Receivers do this, it is like taking a |
| frequently then we would like. | | | | hand; covering the Senders mouth and making them |
| When our mind is focused on fear-based thoughts, | | | | choke on the toxic, painful energy. When this |
| we are unable to distinguish between past pain, | | | | happens, the Sender becomes sicker and sicker until |
| present reality and future anxiety. We then begin to | | | | they erupt and believe me, you do not want to be in |
| create full length fantasy movies based upon | | | | front of that mountain of energy. |
| distorted perspectives and unrealistic expectations. | | | | I know first hand how it feels to be on the receiving |
| When an everyday issue or situation develops that | | | | end of an eruption because I was once very |
| does not match one or both, we create negative | | | | emotionally unintelligent. But after many years of |
| energy. This painful energy then builds up until we | | | | diligent study and hard work, I can now say that I |
| release it in one of two ways; in an emotionally | | | | am an emotionally intelligent Receiver. Unfortunately |
| intelligent or unintelligent manner. | | | | from what I hear, it appears I was not in the top ten |
| In my book, I explain the Conscious Discussion | | | | percentile of my class. I guess, we never really |
| Technique - CDT. The CDT is a structured | | | | graduate. We always must be inspired to continue to |
| communication technique that enables the person | | | | learn, stretch, grow, mature and change. |
| with the emotional poisoning to purge the negative | | | | We are human and we all need to purge at |
| energy in a healthy manner. This person is called the | | | | sometime or another, whether it is in a professional |
| Sender. The lucky recipient of the energy is called | | | | relationship, a personal relationship or the relationship |
| the Receiver. | | | | we have with ourselves. As long as we purge in a |
| When the Sender is filled with the toxic waste of | | | | safe, honest, peaceful and respectful manner, this |
| resentment, contempt and anger, they must have a | | | | process is very healthy. In order to Create |
| safe space to release the energy. In order for the | | | | Emotionally Intelligent Relationships, it is absolutely |
| Sender to purge, the other partner must learn to be | | | | imperative that we become masters of our |
| a Receiver and let me tell you, it is not an easy job. | | | | emotional domain and learn how to be phenomenal |
| We all know how to diagnosis the disease of | | | | Senders and Receivers. |
| emotional poisoning. It is usually quite evident. The | | | | In a committed relationship, if one or both partners |
| question is how we show up to help our partner. | | | | are not able to send and receive their painful |
| The first step in the CDT is for the Sender to make | | | | messages in a healthy and productive manner, the |
| an appointment to purge. When the Receiver knows | | | | poison they have inside will grow like cancer until it |
| a negative message is about to be delivered, they | | | | metastasizes into a Cycle of Conflict which can lead |
| have the time to prepare and anchor themselves in | | | | to the ultimate death of the relationship. |
| this role in order to be able to receive the message | | | | So, the question from the journey is; Are you an |
| as is intended by the Sender. Being a masterful | | | | emotionally intelligent Sender and Receiver? And if |
| Receiver is one of the most difficult and important | | | | not, what can you do to become one? |
| relationship skill sets to learn and perfect. As a | | | | |