| The proverbial can of worms - otherwise known as | | | | the day you parted company. |
| the hideous residue of our ghastly experiences - is, | | | | Inasmuch as it's your can of worms, it's yours to do |
| according to one definition, a 'source of unforeseen | | | | with what you will. You own it. It doesn't own you. |
| and troublesome complexity'. | | | | A few weeks ago, I had a Bad Garbage Day. I was |
| It's something we all expect to have. Standard issue | | | | putting out the garbage and I had one of those rare |
| for all human beings are a birthright and a can of | | | | moment when I truly missed the ex-husband. Albeit |
| worms. The birthright we sometimes have to fight | | | | for all of two seconds. But he was exceptionally |
| for; the can of worms we'd rather not look at. After | | | | good at the nasty things in life. |
| all, unless you enjoy fishing, it's not a very attractive | | | | Clearly, my garbage management had been below |
| image. | | | | par that week as I'd opened the bin to discover a |
| But it is a powerful one. Two clients this week spoke | | | | community of maggots. I responded in true girlie |
| to me fearfully about their cans of worms. Despite | | | | fashion with a shriek fit to shatter the neighbour's |
| having correctly identified the contents - worms - | | | | conservatory windows, ran for the latex gloves, the |
| they remain seriously frightened of what they'll find if | | | | insecticide, boiling water... |
| they only look (worms). They also don't know what | | | | When I'd applied all the measures I could think of, I |
| to do with it. | | | | dragged the bin to the front of the house. Instead of |
| Now, I'm writing this because I believe that | | | | lifting the black bin bag out as I normally do, I turned |
| everyone, pretty well, has or has had, their very | | | | the bin on its side and eased it out. Then I turned |
| own can of worms. And most people have no idea | | | | the bin upside down (not without a few shrieks and |
| how to deal with it. | | | | shudders, I'll admit). The maggots that I hadn't |
| It's one of those occasions when the power of an | | | | destroyed slithered out, shrivelled slightly in the light |
| image stymies us. Because we don't realise that we | | | | of day for a few moments and then disappeared. |
| can play with that image any way we like. In fact, if | | | | Not to be seen again. |
| an image can block us, we can also move ourselves | | | | What's to stop you doing the same with your can of |
| forward by the ways that we rework that image. | | | | worms? What's to stop you turning it on its side and |
| So, if you've ever given headspace to that 'can of | | | | letting the worms slide out and into the light of day |
| worms' image, I'd like to ask you to visualize can and | | | | and oblivion? Once ejected from their cozy, packed |
| contents for a moment. How big is the can? Does it | | | | environment they won't be long for this world. |
| have a label on it? Is the can upright? How far open | | | | You've lived the experience, you've suffered the |
| is the lid? How full is it? What colour are the worms? | | | | pain, but you don't need to keep on owning past |
| Are they big or small? Any colours? Distinguishing | | | | fears and humiliations. You've been there, done that |
| features? Name tags? | | | | and got the T shirt. You are deserving of respect |
| No, I don't seriously expect them to have name tags. | | | | and consideration for the person that you are. Period. |
| It was just to show that you always have the right | | | | You don't need to keep wearing the T shirt. It is only |
| to be playful, whatever you're thinking about. | | | | a T shirt and there are a load of other garments in |
| You see, the way you think about things can | | | | which you will look and feel better. |
| seriously affect the power they have over you. | | | | Sometimes, when things are bad enough, it gets so |
| It takes real courage to acknowledge your own can | | | | that you think that you have become that can of |
| of worms and it's always a first step towards healing. | | | | worms, that that can of worms is your identity and if |
| The problem lies with the second step. And this is | | | | it's taken away from you, there'll be nothing left. Not |
| where it gets interesting. | | | | so. |
| Because you acknowledge your can of worms, it | | | | That can of worms merely exercises a horrible |
| doesn't mean you have to own it. Or even if you | | | | fascination for you. Why not replace it with a vision |
| have owned it for a while, that doesn't mean you | | | | of something that sustains you - like a small, or not |
| have to stick with it for all your natural life. After all, | | | | so small, beautiful, growing plant that represents your |
| you've owned cars and all sorts of possessions, until | | | | spirit. |